hostile takeover okay
by starscissor
Summary: u bout 2 c some supreme warrior cat k
1. once upon a fuck

**fucking hostile takeover okay**

**by THE SUPREME FUCKING WRITER OF ALL FUCKING WRITERS**

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**chapter one**

_**once upon a fuck**_

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once upon a fuck there was a fucking little bitch ass cat and there was a fucking prophecy predicting that she would become the fucking SUPREME LORD OF ALL FUCKING FELINES.

unfortunately there was another bitch ass cat and he did not approve of this fucking prophecy, so he took it upon his own damn self to make sure she never became the fucking SUPREME LORD OF ALL FUCKING FELINES.

the first bitch ass cat was named FUCKING LITTLE BITCH ASS CAT but she went by FUCK for short.

the second bitch ass cat was named DAMN BITCH ASS ANTAGONIST but went by DAMN for short.

also, going to back the fuck up here for a fucking moment—there was also another fucking bitch ass cat, but this fucking bitch ass cat was somewhat less of a fucking bitch ass cat than the other two fucking bitch ass cats. this bitch ass cat was a fucking tom named LIL BITCH ASS CAT but went by BITCH for short.

now we've reached the end of the fucking introduction. move the fuck on, bitch.

so once upon a fuck there was a fucking prophecy. the fucking medicine cat, FUCKING MEDICINE CAT or MEDI for short, went to the fucking moonstone and had a fucking dream with those little bitch ass felines the clans call "STARCLAN."

well STARfuckingCLAN had a fucking message for MEDI. they sat that bitch ass ho down and gave the little shit a thorough fucking talking to, and basically had to fucking _spell out _that one of the fucking kits that were soon to be born to that one fucking ho in the nursery was going to try to take over all the damn clans in the forest, and that the little bitch needed to do something about it.

now let me give you little shits some fucking information. there are four fucking clans in the fucking forest okay. there's THUNDURRfuckingCLAN, SHARTOWfuckingCLAN, BREAKSWINDfuckingCLAN, and LYMPHOGRANULOMAfuckingCLAN. you hear me, you little shits? do i need to fucking repeat myfuckingself? no? good. now pay the fuck attention to the fucking story or i'm going to have to whoop your ass, you hear?

so STARfuckingCLAN told the little bitch ass medicine cat that there was a kit to be born to LYMPHOGRANULOMAfuckingCLAN who was destined to become the fucking SUPREME LORD OF ALL FUCKING FELINES. and STARfuckingCLAN was not fucking okay with this because they were supposed to be the fucking SUPREME LORDS OF ALL FUCKING FELINES if you feel me.

and one of those little starry-ass hos started going apeshit, and MEDI backed the fuck up and told that bitch to "hold the fuck up, 'cause i got better fucking shit to do then go around policing little ho babies and making sure they don't whoop yo asses out the sky, ya feel? i have sick fucking cats to take care of and shit so you better take fucking care of ya own damn self. get a fucking life ya sick hos." and MEDI slammed that ho to the ground and swaggered back out of the fucking mothermouth like she was fucking beyonce (which she was, but that's another fucking story for another fucking day).


	2. in a quaint ass little nursery

**chapter two**

_**in a quaint ass little nursery**_

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in a fucking quaint ass little nursery in the LYMPHOGRANULOMAfuckingCLAN camp laid a dumb ho named LIL MAMA and she had just fucking given birth to three little shits. LIL MAMA actually wasn't a dumb ho—she was an intelligent as fuck ho, in fact, but that's another fucking story for another fucking day. anyway she gave birth to three little fucks and she didn't have no damn clue who their father was (actually she did, but how fucking boring is it to have a _father _come the fuck on you dumbfucks). the first kit was named SHITFACE because he had a face full of shit or at least it looked like it, and the second was named SHITBRAINS because he had a brain full of shit or at least it seemed like it. the third kit, as you should already know if you were fucking paying attention to the shit i've been telling you, and if you haven't, then you need to get the fuck out of here honestly, was named FUCK for short for the name you should already fucking know.

on the other side of the fucking nursery was another little ho named HO and she had her own litter of two fucking shits, whom you should already fucking know as DAMN and BITCH. but that's another fucking story for another—you know what, fuck it. player fucked a ho and out popped some little kits. surprise surprise. now move the fuck on, nothing to see here.

those two little shits are to become integral to the fucking story, however, so you better keep your damn eye on them, you hear?

anyway LIL MAMA and her three little shits laid down in their fucking nests while MEDI sat her ass down and considered real hard whether or not she gave a flying shit if one of these kits tried to take the fuck over STARfuckingCLAN.

she eventually decided that she gave ZERO FUCKS and picked her fat ass off the ground and went back to the fucking medicine cat den to sort her fucking herbs or some shit.

but, you see, STARfuckingCLAN was very not fucking okay with MEDI turning her damn back on them, so they took it upon their own fucking selves to do something about this shit. even though that fucking bitch ass kit DAMN was only a fucking kit, STARfuckingCLAN decided that they were going to fucking send some fucked up dreams to him while he fucking slept. you know, that fucking time when little kits are supposed to get some fucking peace and quiet and all that shit so that their fucking minds and bodies can grow the fuck up and do some real shit instead of lazing the fuck around like useless pieces of shit.

so STARfuckingCLAN sent this little fucking kit some fucking dreams to scar his fucking mind and make him do their shit for them, because the fucking all-knowing STARfuckingCLAN can't do it their own damn selves.

this little fucking kit closed his damn eyes that night and what was he fucking met with but some fucking NIGHTMARES...

DAMN woke up in the middle of a fucking clearing. a fucking legit fucking clearing, the most fucking cliché place to find yourself in when STARfuckingCLAN comes to meet you. really goes to show you how fucking brilliant the fucking star-cats are, am i right?

anyway, DAMN woke the fuck up in a clearing. it was a damn nice clearing—you have to give STARfuckingCLAN that at least. nice fucking trees and silvery grass and a crystalline river running along the edge of the fucking forest and shit. get the fucking picture?

DAMN stood the fuck up, confused as hell. he glanced around in total fucking bewilderment, trying to see beyond the fucking trees, which were blocking his fucking view of anything beyond the clearing. after a moment of becoming increasingly pissed off at his obscured vision, he decided to march his ass right on over to the edge of the fucking trees. there he found a fucking path worn the fuck down by ancient fucking star-cat paws.

this path he decided to walk his ass down. he found himself wandering the fuck around, because this fucking path went in fucking circles all over the damn place, and for a while he didn't have the slightest fucking clue where he was going.

but then the trees opened the fuck up again to let the little bitch ass cat through, and there beyond the fucking trees was a starry-pelted feline riding the fuck out of a star.

DAMN, being the innocent little son of a bitch that he was, thought the fucking STARfuckingCLAN cat was being sucked into the fucking star or some shit, because the she-cat was fucking screeching like a banshee. so he called out, "stop hurting the cat!" to the star, and the she-cat startled and flew the fuck off that star like it was burning or some shit.

the fucking she-cat stood there for a long ass moment with a fucking ? face on until DAMN began to realize that she hadn't, in fact, been being sucked into the fucking star. or, at least, not in a fucking accidental way.

DAMN said, "…" while the STARfuckingCLAN cat just fucking stared at him like he shouldn't have been there.

then through the bushes came another fucking STARfuckingCLAN cat, this one a tom, who called out, "well look what we fucking have here. about damn time you showed up, punk. now—" and then he saw the horrified look on DAMN'S face and looked over to where the she-cat stood panting and staring and to where the star still floated.

"heh," the STARfuckingCLAN tom said. "you haven't been given the fucking talk yet have you, punk?"

"what…..?" DAMN asked. "idfk what you're talking about tbh."

"STARfuckingCLAN cats are astrosexual, okay," the tom told him.

"yeah, i still ain't got a fucking clue what you're saying."

the fucking tom just stared at him like he was a total fucking dumbass. "we like to do the do with stars."

"what the fuck is doing the do?"

"are you fucking serious."

"serious af."

the tom facetree'd the fuck out of himself. "i like… to stick… my dick… in stars."

DAMN nodded solemnly as fuck. "i see now." in his head he thought, well that explains fucking everything.

the tom nodded solemnly as fuck back. "good. now, down to business. DAMN, meet STARSCISSOR—" here he pointed to the she-cat "—and i am STARFUCKER. do not get us confused. now, we are here to tell you some important fucking business, so listen the fuck up okay…"


	3. give me some of them tentacles yo

**chapter three**

_**give me some of them tentacles yo**_

in that quaint ass little nursery in LYMPHOGRANULOMAfuckingCLAN, FUCK, SHITFACE, and SHITBRAIN were all playing a motherfucking game. SHITBRAIN was somewhere else taking a grand and royal shit, but SHITFACE was standing on a fucking pebble and pretending like it was a fucking mountain and yelling about how he was the fucking king of the mountain or some shit like that—FUCK wasn't really paying the slightest fucking bit of attention to be completely fucking honest with you.

there were some little fucking stirrings in her tiny ass mind, and she was focusing all of her damn attention on this new fucking sensation. FUCK began to fucking explore these new fucking sensations. and by that i don't fucking mean she started fucking exploring her own fucking sexyparts, you fucking dirty ass hoes. get your damn minds out the fucking gutter you pieces of shit. besides, she didn't fucking try that out until later.

"i am the King of the Mountain!" SHITFACE roared-or fucking tried to anyway, because he utterly fucking failed at roaring if that was really what he was fucking trying to do. he sounded like a fucking mouse.

and that was all it fucking took for FUCK. she turned and looked at her dumb ass brother and arched a fucking eyebrow at him. "you fucking idiot. you aren't any fucking king of the fucking mountain. i am the SUPREME FUCKING FELINE." and then she leapt the fuck forward and knocked that piece of shit off that fucking pebble and took his fucking place. "YOU HEAR THAT? I AM THE SUPREME FUCKING FELINE!"

LIL MAMA lifted her fucking head at this and gave the fucking she-cat and stern-ass stare. "you better sit yo ass down, kit. you ain't no fucking supreme feline. you just a kit. get the hell off that pebble and lay yo ass down and take a fucking nap or some shit."

FUCK leaned the fuck back onto two legs and put one paw on her fucking waist and z-snapped with her other. "bitch you don't tell me nothing." and she stayed the fuck on that pebble.

LIL MAMA jerked her head to the side and raised a fucking eyebrow, and then she reached the fuck forward and knocked the shit out of FUCK. the fucking she-kit rolled off the fucking pebble and clutched her fucking head. "oW you bITCH! that fucking hURT!"

"it was supposed to you little shit," her fucking mother hissed. "you don't just fucking talk back to yo mom like that and think you ain't going to get some kind of fucking punishment. now lay yo fucking ass down and take a damn nap before i hit you upside the damn head again."

FUCK rubbed her fucking head and then slunk the fuck over to her mother's side and fucking laid her ass down. she didn't want to take a fucking nap but she didn't want to get fucking hit upside the damn head again.

but when she closed her fucking eyes, she opened them the fuck back up again for some reason. except she wasn't in that fucking quaint ass nursery anymore.

"what the," she said and stood the fuck up real quick. she was in a dark ass forest and there was, like, no light whatso-fucking-ever and she'd never admit it but she thought she was about to fucking piss herself. there was no fucking sound or light or anyfuckingthing really and wow she was fucking scared suddenly.

"...u-u-um? h-hello…?" but no one fucking answered and then suddenly she remembered that she was the SUPREME FUCKING FELINE and she got her fucking shit together. "okay bitches," she said. "one of y'all better reveal your fucking selves to me or i'm going to whoop someone's ass."

and then there was a fucking sound, except it wasn't in response to FUCK. it was actually from very fucking far away and sounded something like "aUGH" and FUCK did a fucking double-take, trying to peer through the thick-as-fuck darkness to see where the fucking sound was coming from, but to no fucking avail. "hello?"

she started creeping forward through the fucking forest, but she couldn't see a damn thing and kept running into shit. she had just fucking run into yet another fucking tree when a huge-ass tom stepped right out of the fucking shadows like he had been a fucking part of them.

FUCK straightened the fuck up. "who the fuck are you? where the fuck am i?"

the huge-ass tom threw his fucking head back and spread his fucking paws all dramatically and shit. "welcome to hell!" he fucking shrieked. and then he fucking brought his head back down and laughed. "wait, wrong religion." he assumed the fucking position again. "welcome to the dark forest!"

"what? the place where all the shitty cats go when they die? why the fuck am i here?"

"you were summoned, yo," said the huge-ass tom. "come." he gestured with his fucking long-as-hell tail and started off through the fucking forest again, and after a long fucking moment, FUCK followed.

they walked through the fucking darkness of a good long-ass time, and then suddenly the fucking trees opened up into this, like, huge as hell clearing with a fucking gross lake in the middle. it was fucking thick and dark and muddy and shit, and there were dead trees rising the fuck up out of that water, but it was none of this that caught FUCK's fucking attention.

rising up out of the fucking water was a fucking... fucking... FUCK didn't know what the fuck it was. she couldn't see that it had a fucking body or anyshit-there were just fucking... tentacles coming up out of the fucking water, writhing and fucking thick and shit.

some of the fucking tentacles were wrapped around one of the fucking trees standing in the fucking water, and some of them were fucking holding something up over the fucking water. FUCK could hear that weird ass AUGH sound coming from that direction, and then, as they came closer, FUCK began to see that the fucking tentacles were holding a fucking /she-cat/ over the fucking water, ass in the air. one tentacle was wrapped around her fucking back leg, holding her in the air, and another fucking wrapped around her fucking stomach to hold her steady. another tentacle was fucking the living shit out of the she-cat, who was screeching in pleasure with every plunge."what... the fuck," FUCK said. "what in the actual fuck."

the huge-ass tom just shrugged. "hey, kid. don't knock it till you try it."

FUCK was silent for a long fucking moment, and then: "i do want to try that."

the she-cat was still fucking screeching in pleasure and shit, and FUCK was beginning to wish she were fucking screaming in pleasure and shit too. she wanted that tentacle to make her /scream/.

"all in due time, my dear. consider it a... reward, for what you will do for us."

FUCK shivered just thinking about it. "I WILL DO ANYTHING!" she screeched. "WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?"

the huge-ass tom fucking grinned as the fucking she-cat continued screaming in the fucking background. "we need a… favor from you."

"A SEXUAL FAVOR?"

"aha, no," said the huge-ass tom. "although…" he stopped and fucking shook himself. "first let's talk about what we need you to do, though."

FUCK nodded very fucking eagerly and the huge-ass tom began: "so you, i'm sure, know of STARfuckingCLAN, and our rivalry with them…"


End file.
